I’m not special. I’ve had body image issues for as long as I can remember. Throughout my teenage years, starting when I was 12, I didn’t go anywhere without making sure my stomach was sucked in at all times. Until very recently, I started and ended every day on the bathroom scale, and praised/shamed myself accordingly. I have been both bigger and smaller than I am right now, and when I was smaller, I remained equally consumed with the scale, keeping a close eye on the pounds incase they increased. I also felt a sense of accomplishment when I was smaller. One time I bought a sweater at Old Navy – it was on a mannequin and the last one in the store. I felt pride (and shame for feeling pride) when it fit. It was an extra small. I overeat in private and feel great amounts of food-shame, even though no one saw me do it. I use junk food – chips and ice cream,as rewards for getting a lot of work done or just for not eating chips and ice cream for a while and I eat until I’m painfully full. Then I look in the mirror and feel regret and shame and somehow undeserving due to my lack of control. Undeserving of…anything. I feel undeserving in general because my perceptions of food and my body and my connection to it are negative. I’m not saying anything mind blowing here. I’m not even close to being one of only a few who feel this way. This is what I’m supposed to feel.
Growing up I was never told I needed to change my body for any reason by my friends or my family. I was fed good food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and learned to cook healthy meals of whole foods. I was not deprived of junk food, turning it into some childhood thing that I am trying to make up for in adulthood. So why then?
This is a real advertisement.
They means this.
This is self esteem cancer.
For the record, I don’t read magazines. But I do watch movies and tv shows. Last night I was wishing I could have long pretty hair like the pretty Gilmore Girls. I look hot with short hair, but that point is so quickly and easily forgotten when I’m faced with what I understand to be a more traditionally feminine beauty.
This was purely inspired by this advertisement because it’s just so completely appallingly explicit and in-your-face. And it pisses. me. off.